A diary of a depressed man: Day 1
I have taken the biggest step and gone to my GP, bored of the paranoia and horrible feelings of woe I am back on the antidepressants. After finding that my preferred brand Seroxat has now been banned I took reassurance that Citalopram Hydrobromide is the active man's blend and offers few uncomfortable side effects. I have written the day of the week next to each tablet on the blister strip and I am ready for the twenty eight days of "Nausea, decreased sexual performance, difficulty in passing urine, vague feeling of unwell, amnesia, joint and muscle pain, ringing in the ears, coughing, increase or decrease in weight" as described in the accompanying leaflet. I neck the first and wait for something to happen.
#18 May 2005
Comments...
I was skim-reading a couple of articles on depression this morning, quite by coincidence, when I saw this post.
Hang tight Danny.
I still haven't had time to read the articles in full, but I'll post the links up anyway:
Demystifying Depression was the original article, Is depression a brain disease? is a follow-up.
Posted by: Serge | 2:32pm 18 May 2005
Can I echo Serge's comments, I know very little about depression being very lucky to be a natural optimist and having never had the misfortune to be in any situations that I felt that I couldn't get out of. I would make an educated guess that the last thing you want to hear is that 'you'll get over it', so the best I can offer is that you have got some good people around you to help you through these tough times, so let them help you as best they can, even if that means you need to tell them that the best thing they can do is give you space, rather than just disappearing and trying to handle this all by yourself.
Posted by: dan | 5:54pm 18 May 2005
Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not character.
Its definitely not something you will walk away from in your lifetime because there is no cure; only treatment.
Prescription drugs, though effective in the short run , will have no bearing on the extent of your condition in the long haul.
Engaging in more physical activities (eg. sports, sex, skateboarding) will help your brain release endorphins which, gradually, will help achieve some eqilibrium in your system.
Unfortunately, the flip side to that is that you become addicted to the "burn" - the endocrine rush which has ecstatic properties. So you may end up over doing it with the sports. You know like those guys who jog before and after work and have really old tanned skin?
But don't take my word for it, check out the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV) for prognostics and diagnostics.
Anyway, I'm late for my AA meeting kids,
Dr. Wong
Posted by: Dr. Wong | 7:52pm 18 May 2005
"I neck the first and wait for something to happen."
Most of these drugs won't start to take effect until they become a regular part of your diet so don't hold your breath for instantaneous results.
Also, marijuana induces depression so you may want to stop that too (if you do it).
A man walks into a bar... that man was me. So much for AA.
Dr. Wong
Posted by: Dr. Wong | 9:33pm 18 May 2005
'refuse to lose'
After reading these comments, the aspect of revealing what is truly eating you up inside is a good basis to start with. Console yourself, ask yourself what you are hiding, if you have mates - speak to them - if they are REALLY your mates they will listen to you.
The best cure though is going to the top of a desolate hill surrounded by nature, high up in the wilderness, look to the horizon and roar all your energy out into the wild...
I have to say though hip-hop music and all aspects of the artform teach you a better way of being and develop/nurture your creativity...listen to the lyrics...its all about listening to people....
copy this link into your web-bar
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2537976
pHiLLy
Posted by: pHiLLy | 8:20am 19 May 2005
Depression is a funny business. I've just got to this stage where i realise that if I consider myself to be in a happy state the relapse back to deprssion at some point is inevitable, and in the same way that when lying in bed, unwilling to even open my eyes, i know I shall, in the course of time, re-discover a happy equilibrium. The main problem is that it is impossible to remember what it is like to be happy when you are down, you know you once were but you do not know what it must be like. I've been to GPs, but always felt uncomfortable with the idea of pills, I looked into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and liked the sound of it, but things in my life changed and was up again. The basic premise of CBT is about changing patterns of thought, viscious cycles which keep you sucked in the pit. Its not digging up the past, fucking with deep shit, it just deals with the everyday. i know people for whom drugs have failed but CBT has worked. From what I knwo of it it seems like a longer-term solution, and it is pro-active; you are addressing and tackling this shit rather than just lying back and waiting for something to happen. Apparently every GP should be able to refer you to a CBt practitioner on the NHS.
Its different in everyone, but I reject the idea that depression is merely a chemical imbalance. depression can cause chemical imbalances which can prolong and deepen it and the imbibemnet of narcotics which fucks with these levels is going to lead to mental instability. Speaking personally, I just have a predisposition to pits of despair, I think it is part of who I am, and ultimately I like who I am, and I think the bits I like are inextricably linked to the bits which bring about the depression, they're just two sides of the same ubu. Of course if i wasn't on the up at the moment, i wouldn't be writing this, I wouldn't even think my opinion was of value, but I would still empathise and probably feel better knowing I wasn't alone.
ubu x
Posted by: ubu | 1:00am 20 May 2005
Ubu,
You shouldn't dismiss chemical imbalance as a cause of depression. We are made up of carbon compounds and everything you do and feel is due to electrical impulses and chemical reactions. I won't get religious on that point.
I agree with you that changes in lifestyle (like engaging in physical activity) will definitely help. But, and I hope you'll agree, these are merely solutions intended to ameliorate the problem. Not deal with its underlying causes.
What we must all remember is that we are all depressed to some extent. Some more than others. You are considered clinically depressed when your condition begins to interfere with your day to day living. Mundane tasks appear extraordinarily difficult and negative feelings pile up.
It is also not fair to dismiss regression therapy as merely "fucking with deep shit". Often times, the root of the problem does reside in a past traumatic experience. If you don't believe that, then you can't believe in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
In fact, dismissing any therapy- whether it be drug therapy, ECT, behavioural science, or regression therapy- is certainly going to limit the options available to you when you try to regain the "normal" functioning of your life.
I'm an alcoholic. I attend regular AA meetings. I have understood how to deal with my problem by listening to many different people's experiences... that is to say, I do not dismiss any method to retain my sobriety (even if it means eating cake when I jones - and I fucking hate cake). But I do accept that I've got this condition with me for the rest of my life and all I can do is try not to think about it: avoid bars, parties, and, well, more bars.
D. Reakes, hang tight son. There is a light at the end of the funnel...er... i mean tunnel. Get busy.
Dr. Wong
Posted by: Dr. Wong | 5:51am 21 May 2005
Danny, Therapy is for the likes of the Kensington and Chelsea freeform jazz hip hop ensemble. We recommend aromatherapy as the perfect antidote to feeling low. You need to get hold of a hand stiched lavender ball as it is one of the plant world's great healers. Similarly, you could try burning frankinsense insense. Both scents will bring you inner strength as well as a new found bodily odeur if you burn the stick under you while you go about your reading of revolutionary texts.
Plants are the bringers of life. Eat some fresh parsley with your next falafal sandwich and chew 80 times each mouthful in a true ayurverdic style. Buy a flacon of rosemary oil and dab it on a tissue and treat it like an Olbas oil. It will give you as much uplift as a reverse bungee jump.
Healing of the nation.
Herbie de Provence
Posted by: Herbie de Provence | 7:38pm 23 May 2005